SO STRESS... SO TIRED... SO TENSION... SO HURT....
I've never been like this before... So stress with everything right now.. So tension with everything at this moment.. So tired every second everyday.. So hurt, trully hurt with ppl i thought can gv me a support & strength..
Yesterday was terribly bad.. I lost my patience and having an argument with sisters in front of my parents.. Juz a small cranky thinggy.. Condemn me on things dat i haven't do this and that.. Pressure me on things dat i need to do in hurry and pressure me on da lack of times i have... I've already manage my time on what should i do n where should i start and when to start on certain things.. but the pressure they gv me makes me lost control and when the arguments started, i end it up with, "I'm so damn tired with burdens i carried right now.. Pls don't add any burden to me..PLEASE!!!'.. and i walked away from them and started crying.. All this while i keep on silent on any stressed given to me by them.. but yesterday i juz can't stop myself from getting terribly mad... Nearly cry infront of my mom n dad..
I'm so hurt and dissapointed with my sisters.. Why are they gvg me all this stress and pressure me when they know at this moment i trully need eir support... i didn't ask for material, money or even a hand of help.. Juz asking for a moral support... I'm trully dissapointed with them... So damn dissapointed... After that argument, i get in my room and crying for da whole day....
All this while i've admit i'm not a good lil sis to them.. but i'm trying my best to gv da best to them to go through eir hardest time.... but why can't they do da same thing to me???
Bukan nak sangat balasan atas apa yang dah bagi kat mereka.. Bukan nak dibalas jasa yang da buat sblm ni.. bukan nak mengungkit... p nak supaya mereka MEMAHAMI.. Kalo bukan diorg, sapa lagi??? Skrg hanya blh tawakal jek.. Syukati korg la nak ckp apa, nak buat apa.. p mmg KECEWA teramat sbb tak blh nak faham adik sndri... Kecewa teramat sangat... Terima kasih sbb biarkan airmata ni mengalir sepanjang hari...
Satu jek nak mintak skrg ni.. Diri ni dah terasa susah sgt2, TOLONGLAH jangan tambah susah ni lagi.. Tolonglah... Tolonglah...
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Again it happens to me...
15 days left... And i'm in a terrible fever... Semalam dah MC... Ingatkan da rest kat rumah, feeling better la.. (tido tak hingat smpai terlepas zohor.. huhu).. Mlm still ok.. boleh lagi nak bangun n buat skit preparation for my wedding... Tido lewat skit mlm td sbb siang dah tido almost 4 hours... Adat la tido siang dah lama, mlm mmg payah skit nak tido.. P itu kinda bonus sebab boleh go ahead ngan wedding preparation.. tinggal baper lama lagik ni..
Pagi ni as usual bangun pkul 4.15 pagi.. Rasa lemah sangatextend lagi smpai pkul 4.45.. Sebab nak sahur.. Nak buat puasa sunat khamis.. Pkul 4.45 pagi pun rasa cam tak larat lagik, p kuatkan jugak badan n hati bangun gak... sebab baju tak iron lagik... Ms iron baju rasa tak selesa sgt2 bdn ni.. time2 ni la teringat mak... huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... kalo mak ada msti mak tolong iron kan.. tak pun mak tolong siapkan meals utk sahur.. menitik gak airmata skit.. Sabar liza... be strong... Tak lama lagik nak jadi isteri org.. takkan nak mcm ni lagik.. Pas iron baju, buat Quaker oat plus low fat milk jek.. p pahitnya rasa.. add on pisang bagi ada rasa skit... Alhamdulillah manage habiskan.. After this quaker oat ngan air panas jek.. tak lalu ngan susu.. huhu..
As usual around 5.30am mandi nak gi keje.. Panas keluar.. Air as usual pagi2 sejuk.. p bila jirus kat bdn, air panas dr badan keluar.. Aduhh... slalu kalo jd mcm ni, mmg amik masa yg lama nak baik... Rasanya dah lama tak jadi camni... Kalo demam pun biasa2 jek..p kali ni mmg teruk skit.. Mayb sbb petang2 slalu hujan.. Kdg2 balik dah hujan lebat.. terpaksa tgu gak hujan reda baru blh balik.. P kdg2 terpaksa redah takut lmbt.. Nanti kalo balik lmbt, smpai lmbt terlepas tren, sapa plak nak amik.. huhu..
Pagi ni mmg bajet nak smpai awal... Alhamdulillah Allah permudahkan perjalanan.. Walaupun ada rasa tak selesa sgt2 dlm tren tadi, p msih boleh tahan lagik.. Smpai ofc pun sblm pkul 7.30 pagi.. Langkah kecemasan in case kalo tak larat sangat2 nak tunggu smpai pkul 5 petang, at least 4.30 petang boleh balik.. P normally stay smpai pkul 5...
Might b jugak demam ni sbb penat n stressssss sgt2... Tak ada sapa yang faham camner stress nya rasa skrg ni.. Stress sgt2.. tension sgt2... Everything is different from last time.. I thought it will b da same juz like before how i managed to organized the wedding of my sister, cousins.. P rupa-rupanya tak.. Sendiri punya wedding lagik payah nak manage.. Nak2 lagik bila 90% of it sendiri buat, sendiri tanggung... Susah senang semua sendiri.. No one knows... I juz hate when there's a mouth saying, this is not complete, that tak perlu ada, kalo ada pun nanti menyusahkan diri nak urus sendiri... GOSH!!! I dont need that... i'm doing ikut peredaran masa... no one ask me what can i help u, what u want me to do.. how can i help u? Ahhh....
I have to get rid of this fever at the first place.... And i need NO any STRESS and condemn.. I need support.. Need care and love to courage me on what should i manage everything.. I'm not asking for a help... Juz asking for a pray...
Pagi ni as usual bangun pkul 4.15 pagi.. Rasa lemah sangatextend lagi smpai pkul 4.45.. Sebab nak sahur.. Nak buat puasa sunat khamis.. Pkul 4.45 pagi pun rasa cam tak larat lagik, p kuatkan jugak badan n hati bangun gak... sebab baju tak iron lagik... Ms iron baju rasa tak selesa sgt2 bdn ni.. time2 ni la teringat mak... huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... kalo mak ada msti mak tolong iron kan.. tak pun mak tolong siapkan meals utk sahur.. menitik gak airmata skit.. Sabar liza... be strong... Tak lama lagik nak jadi isteri org.. takkan nak mcm ni lagik.. Pas iron baju, buat Quaker oat plus low fat milk jek.. p pahitnya rasa.. add on pisang bagi ada rasa skit... Alhamdulillah manage habiskan.. After this quaker oat ngan air panas jek.. tak lalu ngan susu.. huhu..
As usual around 5.30am mandi nak gi keje.. Panas keluar.. Air as usual pagi2 sejuk.. p bila jirus kat bdn, air panas dr badan keluar.. Aduhh... slalu kalo jd mcm ni, mmg amik masa yg lama nak baik... Rasanya dah lama tak jadi camni... Kalo demam pun biasa2 jek..p kali ni mmg teruk skit.. Mayb sbb petang2 slalu hujan.. Kdg2 balik dah hujan lebat.. terpaksa tgu gak hujan reda baru blh balik.. P kdg2 terpaksa redah takut lmbt.. Nanti kalo balik lmbt, smpai lmbt terlepas tren, sapa plak nak amik.. huhu..
Pagi ni mmg bajet nak smpai awal... Alhamdulillah Allah permudahkan perjalanan.. Walaupun ada rasa tak selesa sgt2 dlm tren tadi, p msih boleh tahan lagik.. Smpai ofc pun sblm pkul 7.30 pagi.. Langkah kecemasan in case kalo tak larat sangat2 nak tunggu smpai pkul 5 petang, at least 4.30 petang boleh balik.. P normally stay smpai pkul 5...
Might b jugak demam ni sbb penat n stressssss sgt2... Tak ada sapa yang faham camner stress nya rasa skrg ni.. Stress sgt2.. tension sgt2... Everything is different from last time.. I thought it will b da same juz like before how i managed to organized the wedding of my sister, cousins.. P rupa-rupanya tak.. Sendiri punya wedding lagik payah nak manage.. Nak2 lagik bila 90% of it sendiri buat, sendiri tanggung... Susah senang semua sendiri.. No one knows... I juz hate when there's a mouth saying, this is not complete, that tak perlu ada, kalo ada pun nanti menyusahkan diri nak urus sendiri... GOSH!!! I dont need that... i'm doing ikut peredaran masa... no one ask me what can i help u, what u want me to do.. how can i help u? Ahhh....
I have to get rid of this fever at the first place.... And i need NO any STRESS and condemn.. I need support.. Need care and love to courage me on what should i manage everything.. I'm not asking for a help... Juz asking for a pray...
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